Trust Issues

When growing up, you’re not aware of the things reality teaches you. You subconsciously learn things, through the people around you. Through the people you grew-up around. I, for one, learned that the closest people are capable of truly hurting you.

So, I lived through that knowledge, and set a line of trust between me and people. They never got to the finish line. After a while, it gets lonely on the other side; and you wonder if it’ll really be that bad for you, to let someone win for once.

And you try. You convince yourself that whatever you learned, doesn’t apply to your life; because you didn’t experience it yourself. It comes at the exact point in life, when you’re craving your very own experience, and your maybe “different” story. After that, it’s a matter of time until you reach that “I knew it!” phase. The “I knew it wouldn’t be that bad!”. Your life, is now on a different level. On a level where everything makes sense, and everything is really, truly beautiful. & In the end, you do get that different story you wanted..

You get the whole story behind why trusting people, seemed like a bad idea. Then, you realize that the boundaries you set, really did protect you. It protected you from the even uglier experience. The experience of having the delight of a point proven to yourself, and to the reality you lived in, then having to leave it all behind, and let go when you really depended on it. The experience of the other point, proven to yourself, that what you learned to do then, was the right path. And now you’re just a lost soul, trying to bring back time, and change what you could’ve prevented all along.

I can’t change the clock, press the rewind button, or even teleport back to the past. But I have a whole future, to make sure I never betray what I knew was right at the very start of it.

Coping with this experience was the hardest trick to learn, and boy has it been a taught time. With “complete” trust, erased from my dictionary, I learned that trusting people isn’t that bad; but trust in a way that’s superficial enough for this world, is the only way to go. It’s the only way to fit in, socialize normally, and live a safe life. A free life.

Free of what? Obligations, limits, pain, worry, and free of having to worry if it’ll have to be another experience to prove you were just plain wrong.

Be happy, care free, and find a way to express yourself, without having to spill your heart out. Without having to give anyone the ability, to ever use any word or action against you, ever again.