Dysfunctional

All night I heard nothing but the sound of my rumbling air conditioner. I saw nothing but the flickering night lights through the corners of my window, and felt nothing but divine numbness.

Expectations soared high, like the kite I imagined flying on the white sand beach I drew in my mind. Nothing seemed calmer, but inside? It was chaos.

I dived into my own white skin and through the veins that raced blood to my heart. I analyzed, listed, and scattered every emotion onto the blank white board in my head, hoping I could make sense as to why this numbness wasn’t comfort at all.

“To feel is to live”, they’d say.

Then what other thing could I call this heart of mine, other than “Dysfunctional“?